Thankful

I would be lying if I said I am accepting this surgery with complete grace and positive outlook. I have had more than my share of bad days: “it’s not fair” days, “my body hates me” days, “I’m scared out of my mind” days, “what if I die” days, “poor me days” and the list goes on.

After a lot of thinking, pondering and why me moments I’ve decided that I need a list of positive things that are still going on in my life. This way, when I have a mopey moment I can look at the list and remember that even though this is going on, it’s only temporary, things will get better and I still have a lot to be grateful for. I am thankful for:

•    Aiden- my beautiful two year old boy who is full of life and happiness. He is growing and exploring and eager to learn about the world more and more each day. A hug from him and an “I lub you too Mommy” is all I need to feel better after a bad day.

• My husband who works hard all the time to take care of Aiden and I but is on double duty through this whole process. He has been to all my doctors’ appointments, my shoulder to cry on and my voice of reason always reminding me that this is a small set back that is creating many more summers to plan and enjoy.
•   My sister who is my other shoulder to cry on. She also answers all my ridiculous medical questions as they arise between doctors’ appointments or are too embarrassing to ask the doctor.
•    My family and Matt’s family who are taking time out of their already short summers to help take care of myself and Aiden while I recover from this ridiculousness.
• The fact that there is a straightforward fix to my problem. My medical problem has a solution and many people are not that lucky.
•  HCOP funding getting renewed so I will have a job that I love to come back to in a couple months.
•   Jobs, for both Matt and myself, which have good health insurance and disability insurance so this already stressful time is not added to with excessive financial burden.
•  The fact that my BAVD has been monitored so closely for my entire life. Since I have no outward symptoms I could have been in very bad situation.
•  Getting to spend a few days in the Adirondacks with my family. ADK time is always relaxing for me.

* This is a picture I found online but is better than any I took last weekend!

•  All of the kind words I have received from all of you! They do help keep me going and help to keep my head in the right place.